Not Okay !

So, Hiding behind words Everyday I keep telling myself “ You don’t have to feel anything “ and go through the day. It becomes difficult every single passing day And I wonder how and when will it ever end. I question myself at every step in my life That day it wasn’t just our love that was lost but self love disappeared soon after I feel like a prisoner of my own thoughts which I have no control over Every night I feel glad that I went through yet another day but fear consumes me of the next day to follow One more day to face the world again I get scared of wearing the mask of smile thinking someday I would erase the fine line between the real and fake I am sure many have walked path similar to mine Many have opinions and many have advices with time But as every individual is different So is the situation And it aches to know I am brave enough to fake a smile every time when someone asks How is life?! Inside I cry I feel lonely & dissatisfied with life So I distance myself from communal conversations I stay alone and never smile I write I mend the words to communicate But it feels like I keep on shouting in a deaf city. And no one hears my voice No one is able to see through the stories, the sentences, the words what I mean to convey There seems to be blank canvas in front of readers eyes and mind So, After years of writing and trying to figure out the right words, I am going to put it out in simple words that I am not okay. I am not fine! Maybe I need someone to tell me that they hear me this time. 

#notokay #sad #lost #notfine